Tease Me…will they – I’ll show them.

15232065_1284043924979458_3960259651170260703_nTease me -will they, I’ll show them.  I think that repressive ‘Santa’ has been feeding us sugar and spice all these years just to keep us down.  How about some protein every now and then?  I mean what I wouldn’t do for some nice venison sausage.  Oh, I’m speaking out of line?!  He has a whole heard of them out back – who’s going to miss one?!

God – why have you forsaken me with these thin and puny arms? How am I supposed to do anything other than sit on the shelf all day – do you know what that does to an elf body?  The atrophy I feel and how tight my muscles are throughout the day.  And the kids – stop staring at me – and wipe your nose!  Heard of a Kleenex?  Well?!

Oh – and I’ve seen where those hands have been.  Will you wash them!  That’s disgusting.

 

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Too Early

15192742_1282123725171478_1233382029969060217_nWhat did I say – the snow is TOO EARLY this year.  I know what you and your cohorts are up to – and I don’t like it.

Let’s make a deal – you cut back on the snow – just for a little bit and I won’t stick a Sterno where the sun don’t shine!  You wouldn’t like that – would you?  I didn’t think so.

And remember, not a word…