Tease me -will they, I’ll show them. I think that repressive ‘Santa’ has been feeding us sugar and spice all these years just to keep us down. How about some protein every now and then? I mean what I wouldn’t do for some nice venison sausage. Oh, I’m speaking out of line?! He has a whole heard of them out back – who’s going to miss one?!
God – why have you forsaken me with these thin and puny arms? How am I supposed to do anything other than sit on the shelf all day – do you know what that does to an elf body? The atrophy I feel and how tight my muscles are throughout the day. And the kids – stop staring at me – and wipe your nose! Heard of a Kleenex? Well?!
Oh – and I’ve seen where those hands have been. Will you wash them! That’s disgusting.